Home

I love the following quote. I have it sitting in my kitchen window, so everytime I do dishes, I stare at that quote and read it over and over. This quote describes the home I want. I don't have it--yet. But, it reminds me of what I'm working for.

Little Gymnasts

Today was "Show What You Know" week at gymnastics. It's the end of the semester, and the kids get to show off to the parents some of the things they've learned over the past 5 months. Sara and Aaron did awesome, and we are so proud of the progress they have made. The kids got to make their own big entrance, and do a trick as their teacher told a little about them. Turn up the volume to hear what great things Miss Catti had to say about each of them.


Next came the floor routine. When Miss Catti asked Aaron to do a Monkey Jump (hands on the floor and jump your feet from one spot to the next), he did his own little version. He definitely is a little monkey!

Sara got to showcase a new skill in the middle of her routine. Half way through, Miss Catti decided to let Sara do a backwards roll--Sara had never done one before, but she showed no fear and did great!
Next was the bar routine.

And then the balance beam.

And finally, the awards ceremony. Aaron was so excited that he got a medal that he could KEEP. Sara had to point out half way through her's that her baby brother had just done a somersault. Scott was so kind to entertain Nate through the whole show while I did the camera work. Great job Sara and Aaron--we are so proud of you!!!

Projects

Back in November, I decided I needed to do a little work on Nate/Grandma and Grandpa's room. It's been a nursery/guest bedroom since we moved in, but I haven't ever done anything to it to make it special. So, I bought a $5 can of oops paint at Home Depot and painted one wall (the focal wall). Then I convinced Scott to put all his woodworking tools to use and build me a shelf. He and my Dad completed most of it while my parents were here for my Dad's birthday in December. It took a couple of weeks after that to find the time to finally finish building the shelf, then for me to paint it, then to get it hung. My plan is to line the shelf with black and white pictures of each of my kids, but I don't have those ready yet, so the shelf is empty. There is one picture on it, but it's not staying. We got that picture from Jamie for Christmas, and I want to hang it on the hall wall opposite our living room But, the color of the mat was the same color as the wall, so I had to paint the wall a darker color to contrast the picture better. The painting is done, but we haven't had time to hang the picture yet (I'll post pictures when that project is finally done), so for now the picture is up on the shelf in Nate's room to keep it safe. I love the way Nate's room turned out!

Marathon

I've decided to take on another marathon. I decided a month ago that I was going to train for the Ogden Marathon in May. But then days later a little pink line canceled out that plan to cross the finish line, and I started making plans to wear maternity clothes instead of my running shoes. Then that plan also changed. So, I'm back to my original goal of training for a marathon.

At church the other week, I had someone tell me they had seen me out running the day before. I told them I was training to run another marathon, and they asked, "Do you run the whole thing?". I laughed and said, "No". For those of you who are thinking about running, but doubt your abilities, I thought I'd share my take on marathon running.

I am not a great runner. I'm not even a good runner. In fact, I'm a really lousy runner. But I try to run, which is more that most people do. When I take on a training run, I look at the distance and tell myself that I need to go x amount of miles, and it doesn't matter how long it takes me. Of course, I try to push myself as hard as I can, but I don't stress about how much of it is running. I run while I can, I walk when I need to, then I run again. If my body is hurting, I take it a little slower. I do the distance at a pace that is enjoyable for me. Why would you run if you were miserable doing it? Maybe someday I'll have the time to devote to training and have a shot at becoming a good runner. But for now almost all my time and energy is put into raising my 5 children (and all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc that goes along with that). I have very little time to train, but I do what I can. The way I see it, when the day of the marathon comes, no one is going to care if I walk 6 of the miles, because that means I still ran 20 miles--and that is pretty amazing. If I cross the finish line, I have succeeded, no matter how long it takes me.

I get asked a lot why I run. I usually answer, "to try and get back into shape", or "to have some time alone". On my 6 mile run two weeks ago, a song played on my IPOD that summed up my reason for running in one line. It's a U2 song, and the line is, "She's running to stand still". That is why I run. My life is crazy. When I run, I leave it all behind and it's just me. I don't have to worry about the kids, or the finances, or the house, or anything else. I just have to worry about putting one foot in front of the other. I found myself this last Saturday, smiling at mile 4 when a bunch of geese flew over me--something so very simple that I wouldn't have noticed if I weren't in the calm of running. I pay attention to the way the sun looks through the trees. I love the feel of my feet beating down on the pavement. I love the rhythmic sound of my breathing. I love feeling strong and invincible. I love that the further I run, the further I get away from life--each mile gets more and more peaceful. I love that time stands still for me and all I have to do is run. I run to have peace. I run to stand still.

And so the training commences. Every Saturday from now till the middle of May, you will find me out running. Three Saturdays ago it was 5 miles, the next week it was 6, this past Saturday it was 7 miles. As I got back on Saturday, I reported my time to Scott (1 hour 20 minutes). "That's pretty good time, right?" he asked. I told him it wasn't my best time, then added, "But I just went 7 miles--that's good no matter how long it took me--it's 7 miles!" And that's what it boils down to for me--I go the distance, no matter how fast or slow, and I think that is impressive enough.

Getting So Big

Nate has decided that he wants to be big like Aaron. He tries to do what Aaron does. He carried around a little step stool from room to room so he can be tall enough to reach everything. The other day Nate decided that instead of sitting in his high chair for lunch, he wanted to sit on a stool at the counter like Sara and Aaron. It was so cute, I had to take pictures. Why are they always in so much of a hurry to grow up? Why can't they just stay little?

Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam

Aaron is officially a sunbeam at church, but he's not too happy about it. He LOVED nursery, and would prefer to just stay there indefinitely. During December, they had the soon-to-be-sunbeams go into sharing time for 10 minutes each week, to get them used to being in primary. The first week they did that, they had to come get me out of Relief Society because Aaron refused to go. I had to carry him each week kicking and screaming into primary. He really did not want to be in primary. So, last week he was officially out of nursery and in primary. I had to sit on the chair with him in sharing time and force him to stay there. As they were singing "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam" to welcome all the new little sunbeams, Aaron yelled "I don't want to be one for Jesus!!" Then during the bishopric message during sharing time, Aaron squirmed away from me, laid down on the floor and yelled, "I want to go home and take a nap!!" Brother Rasmussen stopped, looked at Aaron and chuckled, then went on with his message. When it came time for class, Aaron got outside the primary room and bolted down the hall. I tried to chase him, but decided he was too fast. So I called to some teenagers that were down the hall and asked them to tackle him for me. I then carried Aaron to his class screaming that he "just wanted to his real class" aka nursery. When he wouldn't sit in his class, I took him out in the hall to a corner and sat down with him and told him he could either go to his class and have fun, or sit in the corner in the hall. He said, "I choose to go to nursery!" I told him that wasn't a choice. "I choose to go home!" Once again, I told him that wasn't a choice. Then Brother Hugentobler came along. He and his wife were subbing in sunbeams, but he'd had to teach sunday school, so he was just now coming to help out with the sunbeams. He saw me with Aaron, walked up to Aaron, put out his hand and asked Aaron to come be his helper. Aaron got up, took his hand and walked happily off to class--and stayed there without any problems. When I picked him up, Sister Hugentobler told me that about 5 minutes before class was done, Aaron put his hand on Brother Hugentobler's back and said, "I love you, Mel!"

So, yesterday when sacrament meeting was done, I started down the hall with Aaron towards primary. As we hit the primary door, Aaron yelled, "I don't want to go!" and started to run past the door. Luckily, Brother Hugentobler just happened to be coming up the hall and he stopped Aaron and said, "Hey, Aaron, come into primary with me" (even though this week he wasn't substituting). Aaron walked into primary with him and sat down next to him. Scott and I were in the back of the primary room waiting to listen to Josh give a talk. Aaron turned around and said, "Mom!" I waved at him. He said, "Mom, I need you to talk!" "What?" I asked. He smiled a huge smile, pointed next to him, and beamed, "It's Mel!!" Thank goodness for Mel Hugentobler! Mel was able to sneak away as soon as Aaron's real teachers got there (who happen to be our next door neighbors).

So Aaron is officially a sunbeam, and hopefully he'll learn to like it. We have three more weeks before Nate gets to go into nursery. Hopefully that won't spark jealousy issues for Aaron. And hopefully Nate likes nursery as much as Aaron did (unlike Josh, who required me to go to nursery with him for the first 6 months he was in there).

Sad

Nine and a half years ago, I had a miscarriage. We were waiting to tell people that I was pregnant till the second trimester, so no one even knew that I miscarried. I remember walking around trying to pretend to be happy for appearances sake, but inside just wanting to cry. No one knew I was struggling, so there were no kind words offered, no hugs given--life just went on. When I got pregnant again, I decided I needed things to be different. I wanted people to know I was pregnant, so if anything happened to the baby, people would also knew that my heart was breaking. I remember the first Sunday after I lost that baby, walking into church. One of the bishopric members stopped us in the lobby before going in to sacrament meeting, and said, "I'm so sorry about the baby". I remember the flood of comfort come over me, knowing that this time I wasn't alone. This time I had support and love.

I've been debating whether or not I should say anything, but have decided that there is a reason we are told to "mourn with those that mourn". There is a great comfort knowing that other people know what you are going through. Eleven days ago I had another miscarriage. I was two days short of six weeks, so not very far along. But, it was long enough to plan for how our life was going to change. I had already planned out how Nate would move into a room with Aaron and Josh, to make room for the baby. I had already stressed about how I would have a baby right as Savannah, Josh, and Sara would be starting school. I had already dreaded the summer heat while pregnant. I had even started thinking about names. And then just like that, it was all gone.

And even though I've been through this before, and been told countless times that it's nothing I did to cause it, I still found myself wondering. Maybe I shouldn't have gone on that 5 mile run. Maybe I should have let Scott shovel the snow instead of doing it myself. Maybe if I had just gotten a little bit more sleep. Maybe...the list goes on.

My first two miscarriages where extremely hard on me. We'd had to do infertility medicine just to get pregnant, and after loosing two pregnancies, I wondered if I would ever be able to have a baby. Things seemed so hopeless. This time I have perspective, so it makes it easier. I have my five beautiful children, and I know that eventually there will be more. Perspective helps. But still, I am extremely sad. I find myself wanting to just stop for a moment and grieve, but I can't because the housework has to be done, and the kids have to be cared for, and the laundry has to be folded. I have to just keep on going like it never even happened. But it did, and I think I'm going to be sad for a while.

B-I-N-G-O

Today in the suburban on the way home from gymnastics, Sara was singing "B-I-N-G-O". This is how she sang it:

"E-I-N-G-O, E-I-N-G-O, E-I-N-G-O
And Nemo was his name-o!"

Hmmm...I think we might need to work on her spelling.

Sara Loses Another One

Sara lost another tooth today! She's going to be caught up to Josh in no time (they always did seem more like twins). Her other top tooth is loose, too. Her bottom teeth are just starting to come in, but if the other top tooth comes out soon, she just may find herself without any front teeth for a while. She's pretty excited about it all. The Tooth Fairy is becoming quite a regular around our house.

Snow Fun!

Last week we had a big snow storm. Scott had work off on New Year's Eve, so we all headed out and played in the snow together. We even bundled up Nate and took him out in it. For those of you who have seen "The Christmas Story", you will love these next pictures. When Nate would fall down, he couldn't get up, so he'd just crawl till he found someone to help him stand back up.





The kids had a great time sledding on the hill next to our house.







Even Nate got in on the sledding--and loved it.





Then it was snowmen building time.




The snow was perfect for rolling into giant balls for the snowmen bodies.




While the rest of us worked on the snowmen, Nate found himself a snowball and had a little drink by sucking the water out of the snow.



Sara decided to make a snow fort to protect the snowmen.



And we ended with some really great big snowmen. Unfortunately, a big rainstorm followed up our big snowstorm and our snowmen are now pathetically toppled and melted, but it sure was fun making them!