Alaska!

It's that time of year.  Scott is on his 6th day in Alaska.  I hate this time of year.  I start getting anxiety over it months before it happens.  This year I tried to plan all sorts of fun things before he left, hoping it would carry us through the weeks when he is gone.  But, nothing really helps.  We just miss him.  I realize that there are families out there who do this and handle it just fine, but our family doesn't.  We do not function well without Scott.  We handle his shorter trips all the time, but this time of the year is different.  He's gone a long, long time, and we all fall apart in all sorts of ways.  And it is left to me to hold us together.  It's a big job.

I've got great friends who offer help - taking the kids so I can have a break, bringing in dinner, etc - and while those are all helpful and I appreciate them, it doesn't really fix the problem.  We just need Scott here.  We need to be a whole family.

And I feel guilty complaining about it, because Scott has an amazing job that provides so well for our family.  And I don't want to sound ungrateful, and I know that I do sound ungrateful to many people when I complain about this time of year.  But I'm not ungrateful for his job, and I know that it has blessed our lives immensely.  But still, the fact remains that we are not a complete family without Scott.  And no matter how grateful I am for his job, I simply cannot be grateful that he has to leave his family for a month.  

Before Scott left for Alaska, he was called and set apart to be the Elder's Quorum President.  The Stake President called us into meet with him.  He met with me first, and told me what he was calling Scott to.  He then proceeded to tell me what a busy and time consuming calling it would be.  He said, "He is a husband first, a father second, and Elder's Quorum President third.  If he is not devoting enough time to the first two, it is your responsibility to remind him what is most important." 

And then Scott left for Alaska four days after being set apart.  I realize that he will come home from a month in the arctic, and he will take off running as Elder's Quorum President, and it will be hard.  I will feel like I will never see my husband again.  But at least we will be doing it together.  We will all go to sleep at night knowing that Scott is here to hold us together. 

But right now, this month, is really, really hard.