A Rough Couple of Weeks

Two Saturdays ago, I sent Scott and the kids to Roaring Springs for the day, while I stayed home with Owen.  He napped, and so did I.  Then we went to a couple of stores to run errands.  Then we came home and I got some cleaning done.  It was a really great day.  And then....

I was walking down the stairs with Owen in my arms, and he lunged for a picture of Scott behind us on the wall.  As he lunged back, my foot slid off the front of the stair, and I fell.  Hard.  I had both arms around Owen, so I couldn't break my fall, and I fell full force on the stairs right on my tail bone.  It hurt.  I was able to keep Owen from getting hurt, but he was crying still because he was scared.  I set him down, and immediately started crying myself and writhing in pain.  It really, really, really hurt.  I crawled to the couch and stayed there till Scott got home an hour later.  I have never been in so much pain.  I have given birth naturally, and this hurt even more.  It was constant unrelenting pain, and when I moved, I cried because of the shooting pain.

The next day I dragged myself to church because Sara and Savannah were singing in Sacrament meeting, and I had to accompany them.  I tried really hard not to cry with every step.

Tuesday morning, Scott flew out for 4 days in Alaska.  I was really worried, because up until then I hadn't been able to pick up Owen because of the pain.  I had Scott give me a blessing before he left, and miraculously, on Tuesday I was able to pick up Owen (it hurt, but not enough to make me want to drop him).  I managed to make it through four days on my own, but it was pretty miserable.  I couldn't tell if I was just getting used to the pain, or if it was actually getting better.  I think I just got used to the pain.

Two weeks later, I'm still really sore.  I can't sit for long periods of time or I just start to ache all over.  This week Scott and I got talked into playing on our ward softball team.  I thought I was feeling pretty good, until I had to run, and then I instantly hurt again. 

I'm having a really hard time not being totally discouraged.  It was such a stupid mistake--missing that step--and I keep reliving it in my mind wishing I could change it.  The hardest thing is that I can't run anymore.  This whole summer, I've had a girl who is home from college for the summer, come over three mornings a week for an hour, and I've been running.  I'd go 5 miles at a time, and it has done so much good for me.  I was getting back into shape, and getting faster every week.  That little bit of exercise and quiet time by myself did wonders for me.   It gave me a little bit of sanity.  And now I can't run, and I don't know how long it will be until I'm able to run again.  I am so depressed.  I'm trapped again here in the house, and along with being trapped, I'm dealing with chronic pain.  I'd give anything to be able to just go out for a run.

It's also starting to wear on me that Scott's Alaska travel is coming all too quickly.  I start stressing about this time every year, knowing that it's just around the corner.  He just spent a week there, and he has to spend another week there in August.  And then October will come right after that.  I hate having him gone so much.  There is a considerable amount of traveling that is required with his job, and I deal with it as it comes throughout the year.  But in the Fall, he's gone for such a huge amount of time, and our little family just falls apart with him gone.  It is such a huge responsibility for me to try and hold them together on my own.

What I wouldn't give for a nice long run to clear my head.  Sigh....