When Dad's Gone

Joshua is my sensitive child. He always has been. He feels things deeper than my other kids and his emotions get set off really easily. And when Scott is gone, Josh falls to pieces. When Josh was in Kindergarten, I used to send a note to his teacher whenever Scott had a trip coming up, warning her that Scott would be gone and asking her to be extra patient with Josh and give him extra hugs. We are only on day 2 of Scott being gone, but this morning Josh had a breakdown. It was all over a spelling word. But first, let me preface....

Aaron is sick--he has a nasty cold. Someone always gets sick when Scott is gone. I let Aaron sleep with me last night because he wasn't feeling well. He had taken a 3 hour nap during the day (because he was sick), so he didn't want to fall asleep last night. I finally got him to sleep at midnight. The whole night he was very restless, struggling to breath through his stuffy nose, coughing, and tossing and turning. At 4 I finally got up and got him some medicine, and then he seemed to sleep a little better. Keep in mind that all his tossing and turning is in bed next to me, so I didn't sleep so great, either. At 6 Nate woke up and needed a diaper change and a bottle. Then at 8 I got up with Josh and Savannah to get them ready for school. I was TIRED and probably not in the most patient frame of mind to deal with Josh.

Everything was fine till about 5 minutes before it was time for them to leave. I sat down in the living room with Josh and started quizzing him on his spelling words. One of the words this week is Chrysalis (they are learning about caterpillars). He very confidently said, "Oh, that's so easy! I totally know that one." Then he proceeded to spell it--wrong. He said C-H-R-Y-S-A-I...I stopped him and said, no it's an L first. He looked a little annoyed, then started again and made the same mistake again. I showed him the word on the page so he could see how it was spelled, and tried to come up with a simple way to remember how to spell it. This just annoyed him. When I asked him to spell it again, he folded his arms, clamped his mouth shut, and refused to spell it. I tried to encourage him, "Josh, I know you know this one, but can you just spell it once right for me so I know you are ready for your spelling test?" And then the tears came.

And by then it was time for them to leave for the bus. When Scott is here, he drives them to school. When Scott is gone, they have to ride the bus. I have three other kids at home (who almost always are still asleep), so waking everyone up to load them all up and drive to school is totally impractical. I also make them walk to the bus (1/4 mile), because I usually have three sleeping kids that I don't want to leave alone and to fire up the suburban to drive to the bus stop and back is costly. So, I make them walk. SO...I explained to Josh that it was time to leave for the bus. He stayed unmoved on the couch. I told him again that he needed to leave, or he would be late for the bus. He just sat silently on the couch with tears rolling down his cheeks. I told him I could not drive him to school if he missed the bus, so he needed to leave now. Again, no movement. I told him I knew he missed his Dad, that I knew it was hard having him gone, that I was having a hard time without him too, but that he still needed to go to school. Nothing. I told him it was a PE day (his favorite) and that I had packed Oreos in his lunch, and that I knew he didn't want to miss those things. Still NOTHING! So, I sent Savannah out the door on her way and told Josh that if he missed the bus, I was not going to drive him to school, but that he would spend his entire day upstairs in his bed. This got him to move--to the stairs, where he started heading up to his bedroom. I caught him by the hand and pulled him back down and told him this was not negotiable, that he had to go to school, and he had to go now. I told him if he hurried, he could catch up with Savannah, and I gave him a little shove out the front door. I felt badly, but I really could not drive him to school. With as sick as Aaron is (and as sleepless a night as he had had), I needed him to sleep in instead of dragging him out of bed to drive Josh to school.

I watched out the window and saw that Savannah was still waiting at the Mason's door waiting for them to walk with her. Josh had gone on ahead and was walking toward the bus stop. After a minute, I saw Amy's garage door go up and Savannah hopped in her van to get a ride to the bus stop (they must have been running late, too, so Amy was going to drive them instead of making them walk). I figured Amy would pick up Josh on her way and then everything would be fine.

About 10 minutes later, my phone rang. It was Melanie, my friend that I go running with (and who also has kids that ride the bus). When I answered, she asked, "Are you having a rough morning?" I instantly knew that she had to have seen Josh, so I said, "Did he make it to the bus?" She told me the story--as she was driving her kids to the bus stop, she saw Josh about halfway there doing a little shuffle-kick step (that's how he walks when he's mad) and crying. Apparently, he hadn't gotten a ride with Amy. She continued on to the bus stop and told her kids to tell the bus driver to wait for Josh. Then, she drove back till she saw him, and told him the bus was there, but was waiting for him. He broke out into a full run (probably scared of what I'd do if he actually missed the bus). But when he was almost to the bus, he stopped and just broke down sobbing. Melanie got out of her car and walked with hem the rest of the way. When he got on the bus, the bus driver Tiger (yes, that's really his name), gave Josh a big hug and wiped away his tears, then let him sit up close to him to have Josh "help" with the bus. And then Melanie came home to call me to assure me that Josh had made it to the bus. Thanks Melanie for watching out for my little boy!

And thus we embark on day two of a 5 day trip. I'm really hoping things don't get any worse. But I can already tell that Nate is about half-a-day away from the full blown cold that Aaron has, and I'm pretty sure that by tomorrow I'll have it too. I have to say that I do empathize with Josh, because right now all I want to do is sit and cry, too.